Who Guided me?

11.15pm, When all my roomates were in their dreams, I decided to go out to have a night walk..

I supposed to walk around my condo,
with no reasons, I walked out of my condo..

I was thinking of to have a cup of teh tarik in Barakath,
But i had forgotten that the mamak was closed due to haji,

No choice, I kept moving..
I walked pretty slow and fully concentrate on wat i was thinking..

Until....
until I reached Jusco at around 11.45pm..
I don't know why I will reach Jusco
And i didn'trealise that I was in Public bank which is just outside Jusco,
I was thinking, OMG, this time GG le..
The pathway was so darked and no light over there..
And, the worst thing is, I had passed through few wangsa maju dangerous spot areas..
There were few robbery and murderous cases happened in that areas..
Thanks god, you save my life again..

I walked to LRT station as fast as possible and I saw few suspicious fella which I dun care at all at that moment..
I dun really remember which parts I had been through because i was just too concentrate on my mind..

the next I walked to the place where I wait for Utar bus every morning, and I stopped there for a moment and was not dare to move forward and If I did so, I am sure that tomorrow u guys don't need to see me anymore.

I stood there because I heard a song, " the moon represents my heart"..
There were a lots of cars parked over there, this reminded me of the movie, phobia 2..

And yes, I saw someone in between a car when I passed by, And i was not sure whether the "guy" i saw is real human or not, then I decided to reverse and see, and yes, that was a crazy fella, sitting there. When he saw me looking at him, he stood up and wanna chase me, I ran as fast as possible. When I looked back, he was like talking alone and look me move further and further away..

Finally, i back to my condo le..
Erm.. for anyone who wanna scold me for my stupidity, please do not hesitate to take ur phone and call me immediately before it is too late.. Oops, shall not say this.. Should be please call me to wash my brain ba if u have the ability..
And, please dun try this ..COpyrighted..

一个人

一个人想
一个人走
一个人哭
一个人伤心

每一个人
每一个梦
每一分钟
每一次失落

一个人从有心到无心
一首歌从有情到无情
这是我现在的心情
也是我对你执着的感情
一个人从有心到无心
一首歌从有情到无情
这是我现在的心情
也是我对你执着的感情

一个人想
一个人走
一个人哭
一个人伤心

Nightmare..

I still can't forget the fear that I had..
The dream.. Again and again make me feel so unsecure..

where is my courage??
Come back, I need it..

Gone case le..
I don't know how to cure my current condition,
my toe is just a small matter,
but the fear I had.. Just duno how to cure it..

I should try to walk alone at night and deeply relax myself..
Hopefully It could help me..
I need a big hug.. to secure myself from being into a darkness world..

And if, I can't back to my previous self,
then, kenji is dead..
will never come back le..

There is a question where I keep thinking of it,
If the person was there with me in the surgery room,
I think I can gone through the surgery successfully..
But in fact, I should not expect for this..

DEar God, please, give me back my courage, or else, I dun wan to sleep..

A failed surgery

Be prepared to read this..

I went to hospital Kuala Lumpur alone in this afternoon bcoz i am having serious injured on my toe..

I reached there and waited for 30 minutes then only reached my turn.
When doctor checked for several times, she straight wrote a letter and asked me to check for my blood then go for emergency unit..

Seriously at that moment, I got shocked and I felt very scared at that moment.
When i was in the emergency unit, i saw a lot of broke hand or leg fella, and those who juz had accident.. the blood.. everywhere..

I was so scared until i was shivering in a corner.
Almost all the patient had their family and friends accompanying, but me, alone..

At the time I signed the agreement to had surgery, I didn call anyone including my family members.Then the doctor asked, where is ur family members and your friends? I replied that I came alone, then she said, how are you going back later since you gotta undergo an operation, I said that I got no choice but have to take bus later..
Inside the surgery room was so cold and I got to wear those patient's jacket , cap and slipper.. I was so nervous until I forgot everything le..

Now, the scariest part, when everyone was ready, doctor gave me 7 injections on my toe, its so painful until I cried,bite own hand, stuggled and keep moving my foor while the needle was still inside.. Nurse was trying to stop me but I just cant bear with it.. In the end I shouted.. STOP!!! PLS STOP!!!. I cant bear with it anymore..

Then doctor said, ok, if u dun wan to continue, then if anyhting happens, you gotta bear with the responsibility. I replied ok and I stop crying..

No ones know the fear that I had..
It was just so scary..

In the end, I bear with the painfulness myself and took bus back to my condo..

To anyone who read this, please DO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF...

锻炼@坚持

我要很努力的锻炼自己的体能
因为我要去一个很远的地方
我要亲自走路去...
眼前的痛只是转眼间的痛..
脚痛更要走
累了也要跑
不测退，不投降

更重要的是能够把自己搞得疲倦
一睡到天亮
什么都不用烦

对不起我的脚，我的母指
辛苦了...

一千个，一万个

伤心的kenji有一千个和一万个伤心的理由...haih...

怎么办啊？？
头好痛..
晚上又不可以一个人走，
又没人要陪我谈
该不知如何是好...

problem solver?? PUI!!!!!
nah.. problem maker got gua..

haiz..

为何会这样子？？
好痛苦
幸好有很好的室友和兄弟偶尔开解下我

还是haih...
一切都不一样了....

Who I am??

And again, I pointed out this question to myself...

Again and again...
I can't even define for myself...
what I want?
what I want to see?
What I want to see from others?

If i have done my parts,
then what would be the outcomes ??

The endless war with no answers at all..
what shoud I do??
For now? For next and FOr.....??

Win or Lose??
Please give me supports...
I need the energy to move on...